I am too tired to think of anything interesting to write today. The Baby decided to randomly shout out in her sleep every couple of hours last night, then try and convince me it was time to wake up at 4.22am. Then I have been to work on a "Keeping In Touch" day. It wasn't even a full day, and I didn't really do much that could be called "work" (so not all that different from before I left really), but I'm exhausted. Have new-found respect for Husband, who had to do a 9-hour night shift last night and another tonight, after being woken up this morning by both The Baby taking offense at getting dressed, and a JCB doing something to the house next door (God only knows what. No-one lives there or appears to have bought it - it has just been standing empty for months.).
On the bright side, The Silent Koala has updated his blog! And it is Chinese New Year on Sunday. Valentine's Day can go wee up a rope, I am going to see my family and eat until I am very, very round. Think The Baby is too young to have a spring roll?
Friday, 12 February 2010
Thursday, 11 February 2010
I am a Proud Mammy
The Baby pulled herself up to standing today! There we were, playing about on the couch, and she was holding my fingers (for once, not trying to eat them), and without any help from me, hauled herself to her feet. I immediately had an immense rush of pride, and went to wake peacfully sleeping Husband to tell him what a genius our child is. (Yes, I know it doesn't exactly take a massive amount of intellect to pull yourself to your feet, but let me have my boasting mammy moment). After she had done this about 5 times and the pride was fading into a warm, satisfied glow, another thought set in - gone are the days of me leaving her sitting on the floor (or worse, the sofa - ssh, don't tell anyone!) for the briefest of moments while I go and put the kettle on, or answer the door, or to find a biscuit. I am now about to enter the "need-eyes-in-the-back-of-your-head" phase of motherhood.
Interesting times ahead...
Interesting times ahead...
Wednesday, 10 February 2010
Time is an illusion..
.. lunchtime doubly so. This post has nothing to do with lunchtime, just any excuse for a Douglas Adams quote.
It is, however, about time - more specifically, it's about the peculiar stretching of time that happens once you have a baby. On the one hand, the weeks and months seem to go by scarily quickly. My baby is now 7 and a half months old! Soon she will be 8 months old, then 9, then before I know it she'll be 18 and asking to borrow the car (I realise I may have missed out a few stages of development there, but you get what I mean.).
On the other hand, some of the minutes and hours go by S..O.........S..L..O..W..L..Y.. Like when The Baby will NOT be put down even for a second, and I realise it is an hour and a half until Husband gets home and I can go to the loo. Or when she is screaming her head off with hunger, and I am running her bottle under the tap to cool it, on the rare occasions when I have actually followed the directions on the formula box, rather than just boiling the water hours in advance and heating it up in the microwave (does anyone actually make formula the way they tell you to? Who has time to do that?).
But the longest minutes of all are those where you have put your child down to sleep and they do NOT WANT TO GO NO MAMMY I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!! I've been very fortunate in that The Baby is very good at going to sleep at night, but she is rubbish at napping during the day, which means that by tea-time she has usually turned into a demon-child. So I try to get her to nap, which generally she does not take kindly to, and wails like a banshee until I feel like the world's worst mother and get her out to play. A friend mentioned today that her baby always fell asleep after about 10 minutes of this, and now goes without complaint. I replied that The Baby did not, just shrieked until she was more awake. But when I got home, I realised that I had never actually timed it. Now this kind of thing can be controversial (go on, mention controlled crying on a parenting forum, I dare you). But I thought, experiment time....
1. Test conditions set - The Baby is tired. Very tired. She has been at soft play for the morning, and napped for 10 minutes on the way home. She assumes the position, in cot, dummy in mouth, blanket on. Let the whingeing commence.
2. Check the time. It is 15:22. Go downstairs. No really, go downstairs. She's fine. Go and make a cup of tea.
3. OK, I've had enough now. She's been crying for ages. I'm a terrible mother. This is the point I would usually go and either start stroking her head, or get her up. Look at the clock. It is 15:24.
4. Drink tea. Force myself to drink the entire cup, all the while ignoring the voices of scary internet mums saying "You'll give her abandonment and trust issues in the future" in my head.
5. Realise she has probably spat her dummy across the room in a fit of pique. Go up and replace it. It is 15:27.
6. It all goes suspiciously quiet. Go and check - The Baby is asleep. It is 15:30
8 MINUTES!!!! Are you freakin kidding me???!! All this anxiety and it took less time than it does to cook a Batchelor's Pasta 'n' Sauce.
Anyway, I guess the point of this rather long-winded and undoubtedly tedious wittering, is that it is very easy to lose perspective on time when your baby seems distressed. So new mammies, go easy on yourselves. If you need a cuppa, a sandwich, or a wee, put the baby down and have one (or all three). Your baby will be fine, and you will feel better.
It is, however, about time - more specifically, it's about the peculiar stretching of time that happens once you have a baby. On the one hand, the weeks and months seem to go by scarily quickly. My baby is now 7 and a half months old! Soon she will be 8 months old, then 9, then before I know it she'll be 18 and asking to borrow the car (I realise I may have missed out a few stages of development there, but you get what I mean.).
On the other hand, some of the minutes and hours go by S..O.........S..L..O..W..L..Y.. Like when The Baby will NOT be put down even for a second, and I realise it is an hour and a half until Husband gets home and I can go to the loo. Or when she is screaming her head off with hunger, and I am running her bottle under the tap to cool it, on the rare occasions when I have actually followed the directions on the formula box, rather than just boiling the water hours in advance and heating it up in the microwave (does anyone actually make formula the way they tell you to? Who has time to do that?).
But the longest minutes of all are those where you have put your child down to sleep and they do NOT WANT TO GO NO MAMMY I'M NOT GOING TO SLEEP YOU CAN'T MAKE ME!!! I've been very fortunate in that The Baby is very good at going to sleep at night, but she is rubbish at napping during the day, which means that by tea-time she has usually turned into a demon-child. So I try to get her to nap, which generally she does not take kindly to, and wails like a banshee until I feel like the world's worst mother and get her out to play. A friend mentioned today that her baby always fell asleep after about 10 minutes of this, and now goes without complaint. I replied that The Baby did not, just shrieked until she was more awake. But when I got home, I realised that I had never actually timed it. Now this kind of thing can be controversial (go on, mention controlled crying on a parenting forum, I dare you). But I thought, experiment time....
1. Test conditions set - The Baby is tired. Very tired. She has been at soft play for the morning, and napped for 10 minutes on the way home. She assumes the position, in cot, dummy in mouth, blanket on. Let the whingeing commence.
2. Check the time. It is 15:22. Go downstairs. No really, go downstairs. She's fine. Go and make a cup of tea.
3. OK, I've had enough now. She's been crying for ages. I'm a terrible mother. This is the point I would usually go and either start stroking her head, or get her up. Look at the clock. It is 15:24.
4. Drink tea. Force myself to drink the entire cup, all the while ignoring the voices of scary internet mums saying "You'll give her abandonment and trust issues in the future" in my head.
5. Realise she has probably spat her dummy across the room in a fit of pique. Go up and replace it. It is 15:27.
6. It all goes suspiciously quiet. Go and check - The Baby is asleep. It is 15:30
8 MINUTES!!!! Are you freakin kidding me???!! All this anxiety and it took less time than it does to cook a Batchelor's Pasta 'n' Sauce.
Anyway, I guess the point of this rather long-winded and undoubtedly tedious wittering, is that it is very easy to lose perspective on time when your baby seems distressed. So new mammies, go easy on yourselves. If you need a cuppa, a sandwich, or a wee, put the baby down and have one (or all three). Your baby will be fine, and you will feel better.
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
What not to say....
.... to a pregnant woman.
One of my best friends is currently about 4 months pregnant, and her facebook status today was exactly the same as how I felt when I was at that stage. All the pregnancy books are telling you "By now you will have stopped feeling sick and will have a great rush of energy. In fact you may be feeling better than ever!" LIES LIES LIES LIES GO AWAY YOU HORRIBLE PEOPLE I STILL FEEL LIKE A BAG OF CRAP!!!!!! - was my not at all hormone-influenced, over-the-top reaction to that. So in honour of my good, and still very tired, friend, and any other mammies-to-be out there, here are some more things that it is not wise to say to a pregnant woman.
One of my best friends is currently about 4 months pregnant, and her facebook status today was exactly the same as how I felt when I was at that stage. All the pregnancy books are telling you "By now you will have stopped feeling sick and will have a great rush of energy. In fact you may be feeling better than ever!" LIES LIES LIES LIES GO AWAY YOU HORRIBLE PEOPLE I STILL FEEL LIKE A BAG OF CRAP!!!!!! - was my not at all hormone-influenced, over-the-top reaction to that. So in honour of my good, and still very tired, friend, and any other mammies-to-be out there, here are some more things that it is not wise to say to a pregnant woman.
- "Are you sure there's only one in there?!" - Yes. That's why you have the scans. You're just calling me fat.
- "How's the bump?" - I don't know, it doesn't exactly update its facebook status on a regular basis. Ask me how I am. (Ok, it may have just been me that had an issue with this one)
- "You're carrying low/high/left/right, it must be a boy/girl" - You're just guessing.
- "Are you sure you should be eating/drinking that?" - Yes. I am.
- "That can't be good for the baby" - Neither can its mother going to prison for sticking a fork in your eyes.
- "Sleep now while you can!" - Love to. Just tell me how, when I am roughly the shape of a hippo that's eaten a beach ball, and I've got someone standing on my bladder.
- "Babies are hard work, you know" - Really. I wish that had occurred to me before I got myself in this state.
- "Don't you think you're being a bit unreasonable?" - Just don't. Ever.
Who's got more?
Internets 1 - Cleaning 0
Today I am not being a very Bad Mammy. I've actually done lots of playing with The Baby, reasoning she needs the attention after a weekend of abandonment. However, I am being a very, very Bad Housewife. As this house is inhabitated by a small baby, a woman with a lot of stuff, and a man who doesn't realise that magazines don't live in the centre of the bathroom floor, it usually looks like a bomb has hit it. We can normally contain the mess so it looks like the work of a small-ish petrol bomb, but today it looks like it has been hit with a full-on, giant nuclear warship with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad laughing maniacally at the helm. And I have people coming round for dinner tonight.
So what am I doing instead? Writing my blog, faffing around on facebook, and reading web debates about interracial adoption and borrowing money from your baby's savings account. To be fair, I can't actually leave the living room, as The Baby is asleep on the sofa, because I couldn't be arsed to put her in her cot, and it was my New Year's resolution to stop leaving her unattended on raised surfaces. I'm doing pretty well with this one so far actually. Although yesterday I had her on the sofa next to me, sitting up, and while I was not paying attention (probably on the internet, again) she saw something of interest on the floor, and threw herself forward to have a closer look. Thankfully, this just resulted in her faceplanting the sofa (she wasn't best pleased), and Bad Mammy being reminded once again of the need for CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
She has started to show signs of being able to pull herself up too.... God help me.
So what am I doing instead? Writing my blog, faffing around on facebook, and reading web debates about interracial adoption and borrowing money from your baby's savings account. To be fair, I can't actually leave the living room, as The Baby is asleep on the sofa, because I couldn't be arsed to put her in her cot, and it was my New Year's resolution to stop leaving her unattended on raised surfaces. I'm doing pretty well with this one so far actually. Although yesterday I had her on the sofa next to me, sitting up, and while I was not paying attention (probably on the internet, again) she saw something of interest on the floor, and threw herself forward to have a closer look. Thankfully, this just resulted in her faceplanting the sofa (she wasn't best pleased), and Bad Mammy being reminded once again of the need for CONSTANT VIGILANCE!
She has started to show signs of being able to pull herself up too.... God help me.
Monday, 8 February 2010
Reunited
I'm back!
I have had a wonderful time in London, spent a lot of money and eaten some gorgeous food. And of course, spent some quality time with my fantastic little sister. Drinks with her friends did not happen, so I was spared the challenge of trying to conduct appropriate conversations - I can say what I like to my sister, and if I get too boring she tells me I am a loser and need to shut up. But I still have not had my mojito!!!!! It has been over 7 months since the baby was born and I am yet to have a celebratory drink of my favourite cocktail. The world is conspiring against me to make sure I never have one again! (Ok, I may have sabotaged myself a tiny bit, as after having a very late dinner in a very nice but very very slow Morrocan restaurant, my pathetic self was too tired to go out for a drink and just wanted bed!).
It was a great weekend. As you very quickly forget what life before children is like, it was something of a revelation to me that other people:
I have had a wonderful time in London, spent a lot of money and eaten some gorgeous food. And of course, spent some quality time with my fantastic little sister. Drinks with her friends did not happen, so I was spared the challenge of trying to conduct appropriate conversations - I can say what I like to my sister, and if I get too boring she tells me I am a loser and need to shut up. But I still have not had my mojito!!!!! It has been over 7 months since the baby was born and I am yet to have a celebratory drink of my favourite cocktail. The world is conspiring against me to make sure I never have one again! (Ok, I may have sabotaged myself a tiny bit, as after having a very late dinner in a very nice but very very slow Morrocan restaurant, my pathetic self was too tired to go out for a drink and just wanted bed!).
It was a great weekend. As you very quickly forget what life before children is like, it was something of a revelation to me that other people:
- have alcohol anytime after 12pm, just because it's the weekends
- buy clothes without picturing how they are going to look once covered in porridge
- stay up past midnight when they don't have work in the morning
- choose restaurants based on what they want to eat, rather than how much space is in between the tables.
So it was very fun playing at being childless for a couple of days. I missed The Baby a satisfying amount (not so much it made me sad, not so little that I felt like a very Bad Mammy). Through my regular, but not obsessively so, progress reports, I heard that not only had Husband fed, watered and otherwise looked after The Baby, he had also turned into some kind of Wonder Husband and had tidied the house and done two loads of washing. The Baby had apparently been in a very good mood all weekend, so I awoke this morning a very happy mammy, looking forward to spending the day with my gorgeous smiling baby.
However, once breakfast was out of the way (it is rare that she does not smile for porridge), Grumpy Baby came out to play. She whinged when I put her on the couch to play, she whinged when I put her on the floor to play, she whinged when I gave her a cuddle, she whinged when I lay her down for a nap, she whinged when I gave her toys, she whinged when I took them away. In these situations I did what I always do and put her in her cot. If she is going to be a bugger no matter what I do, I may as well take the opportunity to grab a shower!
She must not like me.
I hear awakening noises. Hopefully Happy Baby has returned.
Friday, 5 February 2010
Big Brainfail.
I was going to write a post about baby websites, and particularly the rather scary world of the forums contained wherein. They are a wondrous source of information, advice and support, but they also (or rather, some of the women on them) scare me a little bit. As I have recently taken to posting on them (yet another thing to do whilst leaving my child to her own devices), and getting into some arguments with some of the aforementioned scary ladies (this is a side effect of starting this blog, it has mistakenly made me believe that the whole internets care what I think), I was going to write about why they scare me and the kinds of things I've come across on there.
But.
I cannot seem to form a coherent sentence right now. I start thinking of what I want to say and then Husband will bring me a cup of tea, or I will realise that The Baby has flung herself sideways and that she is under a cushion, chewing on the Sky remote, and the end of the sentence will have vanished out of my head, never to return. Indeed, I probably was just about to write something here, but then The Baby started to wriggle under the tray on her new play ring, and now I have completely lost my train of thought. I believe this is what they call "baby brain". Would really love to know when it stops.
On a brighter note - I have just found out that I have another nephew! My brother-in-law's lovely wife has just given birth to their third son. Yay!
Not sure if I'll get to post over the weekend, so have a good one, everyone, and keep your fingers crossed for Husband.
But.
I cannot seem to form a coherent sentence right now. I start thinking of what I want to say and then Husband will bring me a cup of tea, or I will realise that The Baby has flung herself sideways and that she is under a cushion, chewing on the Sky remote, and the end of the sentence will have vanished out of my head, never to return. Indeed, I probably was just about to write something here, but then The Baby started to wriggle under the tray on her new play ring, and now I have completely lost my train of thought. I believe this is what they call "baby brain". Would really love to know when it stops.
On a brighter note - I have just found out that I have another nephew! My brother-in-law's lovely wife has just given birth to their third son. Yay!
Not sure if I'll get to post over the weekend, so have a good one, everyone, and keep your fingers crossed for Husband.
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