Because what the internet needs is more wittering about rubbish parenting

Friday, 21 December 2012

A Rest Is As Good As A Change

You might have noticed, if you are particularly deprived of more interesting things to think about, that I haven't written much lately. Part of this is because of, you know, Christmas and stuff. But mostly it's because I have spent the last few weeks at what has felt like the very edges of my patience, energy and sanity, and Lord knows it has not been funny or interesting, and I wouldn't want to put you through reading my whinges about it. I have been really starting to question my abilities as a parent, and feeling like something must be DONE about it, to make it all better.

It turns out, that the thing that needed to be done was going out and drinking several over-priced cocktails. Who would have thought?

It was both more than that, and not really more than that. I had a work night out on Wednesday, which involved leaving the house at 4.30 pm (and then watching as the bus sailed past me and having to run for it while wearing high heels and miraculously not falling over and breaking my ankle. This has nothing to do with anything, but I am proud of it), going out for drinks and food and then more drinks, going home to bed, and then my lovely lovely lovely husband taking the girls away and leaving me in bed until 10.15.

And that was all I needed. A chance to properly relax, just for one day, not even that, and not worry about anyone or anything but myself, and whether I was ready to return to gin-drinking after a rather disastrous experience at V99 which resulted in me being sick all over my jeans. To stay in bed until I felt like getting up, instead of when small people start demanding Cheerios. To just have some time off.

I feel at peace with the world again now (albeit a little queasy remembering that teenage gin adventure). These last two days, I have been enjoying my children again, and when they play up, as they are wont to do, I feel able to deal with it calmly and rationally, instead of either yelling like a maniac or sobbing in despair.

In the words of Jason Bourne (book, not film), "Rest is a weapon". If you can equip yourself with it, do it. If you can give it to someone else, do it. And if you find yourself in Alvino's this Christmas, have a Raspberry Collins.

Saturday, 15 December 2012

My Daughter, Master Storyteller.

"Once upon a story about a poor penguin called Peppapig. He got found by a big red owl, and they saw the sun in the sky and they saw the stars in the sky and they saw the moon in the sky and they saw the sky in the sky and a flower came out of the ground and they were happy and that was the end of the poor penguin called Peppapig."

Monday, 10 December 2012


Here is a small list of things which gave me a strange feeling. They give my children such joy (or at least, temporary unwhingey-ness), but are very annoying:

Mr Tumble (Shut up)

Soft play (Full of Other People's Children)

Glitter (My house looks like the bedroom of a 90s teenager going to a school disco)

Books that make animal noises (We have a cat one, a duck one, and a sheep one. They all sound the same)

Play-doh (If anyone knows how to get it out of carpet, please do share)

The Little Mermaid II (Yes, they made it, and yes, it's awful)

Cheap nursery rhyme CDs (My child now sings in a weird American accent)

Kids magazines (always an effective bribe, but I've now got about 700 plastic phones)

Rice cakes (They smell weird)

I don't know whether I want to give the inventors of these things a big kiss or a punch in the face.