Because what the internet needs is more wittering about rubbish parenting

Friday, 24 December 2010

Christmas Time...Mistletoe and Lack of Wine.

It's Christmas Eve! Woo and that.

The season of goodwill is upon us. No-one seems to have told The New'un this though. It's still making me feel a bit unpleasant. Although June is a lovely time to have a baby, and it's pretty much on purpose that I'm doing it again, it's got to be said that being in early pregnancy at Christmas is kind of rubbish. (Technically, I am in my second trimester, so not actually in early pregnancy anymore, and I'm doing loads better than I was, but I'm still having days of feeling terrible, so humour me). While everyone around you is indulging in copious amounts of Christmas spirit, you sit with your government-approved glass of water (to be perfectly honest, I'm not a one for following the 100% abstinence advice, but even so, getting blethered whilst with child is not something you should do. Your colleagues hop blithely from office to shops to bar, while you are in bed by 8.30. I'm not even a massive drinker, or that sociable, but there's something about Christmas that makes enforced sobriety and early nights a tad depressing.

Still, hopefully this time should be better than two years ago, when I was carrying The Toddler, and I felt so sick I could only manage one helping of Christmas dinner. Disgraceful behaviour.

In other news, The Toddler is slightly aware of Christmas this year. Every morning she stands in the living room shouting "Tree!" until I turn the fairy lights on. She also hosted her first Christmas party yesterday. Yes, for some reason I decided to invite 7 small children and their parents to come and hang out in my not-very-big living room. I had several people ask me if I was mad. That is a silly question that surely everyone know the answer to. It was actually very fun. I made too much food, and The Toddler ate most of it. Then threw most of it back up later that night. That's one good thing about feeling queasy, it means that Husband has to deal with the incidents like this.

Anyway, it's Waybuloo-o'clock, and I'd better go.

A very merry Christmas to you all, with love from Bad Mammy, Husband, The Toddler and The New'un.

Saturday, 18 December 2010

Be Careful What You Wish For...

I don't know if I've ever talked much about The Toddler's early days on here. She was not an easy baby. While my friends had lovely little things who stared at the ceiling and gurgled contentedly, I had a screaming, writhing, red-faced bundle of horridness. She suffered from colic and silent reflux, which was worst in the evenings, so from the hours of 5-9pm, there was nothing for it but to pace up and down the house with her and listen to how unhappy she was with her life.

She did, however, sleep from at least 11pm-6am every night from when she was about 5 weeks old. This was a complete shock to me, as I was expecting some kind of karmic retribution from my own babyhood (I didn't sleep until I was 2. At all, by the sounds of it). But while my friends struggled by on 2 hours sleep per night, I often said that I would gladly swap one of my unbroken nights, for one day when my baby didn't seem utterly miserable.

Well, I got my wish. She abruptly stopped her miraculous sleeping at the age of 5 months, for no apparent reason, and since then wakes up anywhere between 2 and 790 times per night. But she is much, much happier. And the happiness seems to be proprtionate to how little sleep she has. Take yesterday. The Toddler was GORGEOUS. She was smiley and lovely, ate all her meals with minimal fuss, behaved herself all the way through my work Secret Santa present-giving, and was generally a joy to be around (apart from when she threw her pyjama bottoms down the toilet). The night before, she woke up at least once an hour (and for once, I'm not exaggerating, honest). Last night, she woke up for half the night, then slept for the other half, so I guess I'm in for split-personality Toddler today.

On reflection, I think the deal I would have made in those early days was the right one. It's amazing how quickly you get used to being tired, but it's much harder to get used to the sound of your baby crying in pain and misery. If you'd asked me at two o'clock this morning, I might have said something different, mind.

Wednesday, 15 December 2010

It's Nearly Christmas!

But you knew that, right? Probably because Fairytale of Bloody New York is on the radio every 17 minutes.

Anyway, here is what has been going on for the last couple of weeks...

Snow - you might have noticed that it got a bit cold and snowy. It was ever so pretty and lovely at first. Then it got quite tiresome. The Toddler was not quite sure of the snow at first, she liked to watch it fall, but when we actually took her out in it, she looked at it, fell on her bum, then cried. But after a go on a sledge (just around the streets, not down a hill, even I'm not that bad), she came around. She quite liked playing with her dumper truck and spade in it too, and was most unimpressed when I took her inside after 10 minutes, because I'd lost her gloves and was having terrible visions of frostbite and all her fingers suddenly falling off. At least it's gone now. Mostly. There's still a big pile in the garden from when it fell off the roof. That might be gone by tomorrow. Just in time for us to get some more. Woo.

Teeth - The Toddler's back teeth are coming through properly now. As I've mentioned before, each of her teeth seem to take about a million years to get out, and cos the back ones are so big, they're taking even longer. Cue grumpiness, nappies of evil, and looooong nights.

Sick - I have finally started to feel less sick. Not completely, but it's gone from being all-day sickness to first-thing-in-the-morning-and-a-good-chunk-of-the-evening sickness. So that's good. Am glad this isn't my first pregnancy though, where I foolishly believed the stupid books when they told me I'd start feeling great once I hit 12 weeks.

Cold - Unfortunately, the sickness has been replaced by a horrible cold. At one point, I thought I even had man-flu. I have done a lot of coughing. I have also, very generously, given it to The Toddler. She keeps coughing up phlegm and gets very confused about it. More long nights. Where she invariably ends up in bed with us. A few people have mentioned "rods" and "backs", but quite frankly, at 3am, I am thinking "Cold. Tired. Want Bed. Don't care how. Don't care who's in it. Tired".

Baby - As far as I can tell, it's fine. I keep thinking I can feel it move, but then it could just be wind. Apparently it's supposed to be easier to tell the second time, but I still can't. We are trying to teach The Toddler about the baby (I need a name for it. Not quite ready to call it The Baby yet, I'm still getting used to The Toddler not being The Baby). It's going moderately well. I ask where the baby is and she points to my belly (usually. Sometimes it's my boob, or my leg) and says "Bee". And then she gives it a kiss. Unfortuately, Husband keeps getting her to do this when I'm not there, so she is getting a tad confused and keeps kissing him on the belly too. Fail.

Christmas Shopping - I hate Christmas shopping. There are too many shops, too many people, everything costs too much, and I buy too much for myself. And STILL NOT FINISHED! I have been about 7 times! Gah.

So yeah, snow, teeth, sick, cold, baby, Chrismas shopping. Pretty much sums it up.

Monday, 6 December 2010


Ok, so that didn't work quite as planned. Blogger has put my posts in the order they were saved in, rather than just put them all now, like I thought it might. Oh well. If anyone is reading this and wants to know where the new ones are, they are Dear Lord, What Have I Done?, Oops, Ugh (Oct) and No Title (Nov)


Well, as most of you already know, I have decided that being an incompetent parent to one child is just not enough, so I am having another one. Yup, I am now 13 weeks pregnant, eek!

This partly explains my infrequent posts on here of late, but fear not, I have been writing some along the way, just for you. It was meant to be a nice detailed diary of early pregnancy, but unfortunately, I've been too tired and pathetic to write much. Just as well really, there's only so much mileage you can get out of "I feeel sick, poor me".

So here they are. (Facebookers, I can't be bothered to copy and paste them all, so you'll actually have to come over to the blog and have a look)


Wednesday, 1 December 2010

Developmental Update. Emphasis On The "Mental".

Haven't done one of these in a while. Anyone want to know how The Toddler is doing? Well, I'm going to tell you anyway.

She is now 17 months and 5 days old. She is a loon.

Here is how she's doing in some important areas:

Walking - v. good. Mostly. She can get some speed up now, and can almost always stay upright. Every now and again, though, she will have a complete standingfail for no apparent reason, and fall on her arse, or she will wander round in a drunken fashion, bumping into things like walls, and the toilet. I'm very pleased that I can now put her down often (she's heavy!), but less pleased that she now screams blue murder when I try and put her in her pushchair.

Talking - shows some promise. She can actually say quite a few things, including: daddle (Daddy), doddle (which I think is dummy), yes, buloo (Waybuloo), Pooh (as in Winnie The. Also refers to Tigger, Piglet, and the whole Hundred Acre Wood gang), poo-poo (which is poo, wee and pump, she hasn't quite distinguished between them yet), shoes, hot (although I'm not entirely sure she knows what this means, and sometimes she just runs around shouting it at the top of her voice), head, teeth and ta (although doesn't use it often, not so good with the manners). She also said "highchair" and "cheese" today. So she CAN say all of these things, but mostly she prefers to say "No". About a million times a day. "Are you tired?" "No". "Do you want to play?" "No". "Do you love Mammy?" "No". "Do you love Daddy?" "No". "Do you want some food?" "Yes". Big surprise.

Other noises - She can do lots of animal noises: sheep, cow, cat, snake, lion, bird, fish (OK, not a noise, but she can do the mouth), duck (although sometimes they say "gok"). All other animals go "boo".

General co-ordination - improving. She is getting quite good at throwing, and better at touching her nose without shoving her finger up it.

Sleeping - rubbish.

Eating - still a champ. Her new talent, though, is spotting every vegetable on her plate and throwing it on the floor.

Activities - The Toddler's favourite things to do: play with belts, and run off with them round her neck, which is alarming and I wish she would stop. Run around shouting "Hot!" (see above). Tear tissues into many, many tiny pieces. Climb up the stairs, especally when I don't want her to. Take all the money out of her Daddy's wallet (I like to do this too). Tries to walk around lifting unfeasibly large objects, such as her pushalong car, and jumbo boxes of nappies. Stare at CBeebies as if it is revealing the answer to life, the universe and everything. Perhaps it is.