- I still don't take her to do exciting and stimulating activities. That's what I pay nursery fees for, surely?
- Even though she is crawling around the floor all the time, and picking up and trying to eat anything from the floor that looks like it might be food (even though it could really be a piece of paper, money or an ant), I'm still shockingly bad at keeping the floors clean.
- I have moved her off formula, and stopped sterilising, before the Government-prescribed age of 1 year (because, at the stroke of midnight on their first birthday, ALL babies' stomachs can suddenly cope with this).
- The baby-proofing equipment is STILL in the cupboard under the stairs.
- I have not even thought about trying to reduce her dummy usage.
- I forget to put socks on her all the time.
- If she is having a tantrum, and I can't think of what else to do, I give her a biscuit. (Homemade biscuits though, surely that gets me some Good Mammy points?)
- I tell her she's naughty. Which is apparently really bad for their self-esteem, and just encourages them to be naughty, because they are being told that's what they are. Just what I need, a toddler with self-esteem issues.
- I let her steal my food, even when she's just had her own meal and I know she's not hungry. Wonder why she's so bloody huge?
- I enjoy being at work and away from her FAR too much.
Sunday, 30 May 2010
Wednesday, 26 May 2010
Monday, 24 May 2010
So here are the things that The Baby is currently dabbling in..
- Crawling. As if she has a rocket up her bum. I may have mentioned this once or twice. That's because I still cannot get over how fast she can go. Like a teeny, mischievous, destructive cheetah.
- Eating me out of house and home. She's good at eating. Things she does not like - raw tomatoes, asparagus, and.... I'm out.
- Pulling herself up on the sofa. And the toilet. And the cooker. And the rickety table that quite often has a cup of tea on it. And the back of my legs while I'm standing at the kitchen worktop, so I then can't move.
- Screeching, shouting and otherwise making a lot of noise. Usually in the middle of Asda, which is clearly the most exciting place in the world.
- Putting things in places, and taking them out again. Quite cute when it's her toy box, less so when it's my pyjama drawer.
- Developing strong emotional attachments to inanimate objects. This week it is Bedtime Bear. Bedtime Bear solves all problems. Nearly.
- Playing with cause and effect. Baby drops the toy, Mammy picks it up. This is good. Baby drops the toy again, and sure enough, Mammy picks it up again. Baby drops the toy again, Mammy decides to teach her that sometimes dropped things stay dropped. Helpful passer-by picks up the toy. Bum. Baby looks smug.
- Expressing her likes and dislikes. Ooh boy, especially the dislikes. She is currently reserving most of her venom for getting dressed in the morning, and getting undressed at night. To say that she is not a fan would be something of an understatement. This is the one problem that Bedtime Bear cannot help with.
- Walk on her own, or which I am profoundly grateful. Oh God, imagine how much trouble she's going to get into.
- Say "Mama". We have "Dada", we have "Ta", we have "yaddle yaddle", "loggle loggle", and what may have been "Colin", but nothing for me. Boo.
- Feed herself without decorating the kitchen in porridge.
- Let go of anything that she's not supposed to have - keys, phones, bottles of shampoo. You can try and take them away. See Expressing dislikes, above.
Friday, 21 May 2010
Or maybe I'm wrong. Maybe I need to get out more. After all, I am getting life epiphanies from OK magazine.
Thursday, 20 May 2010
Anyway, I've still not got anything scintillating for you I'm afraid. My brain's gone dead, probably because I've had to work really hard at work to make up for phoning in sick with a lurgy on Monday. It was not fun. No idea what it was. I possibly caught a chill, which sounds so lame and old-fashioned that I refuse to believe it could be true, but I did go for a walk to the beach in the rain in £4 pumps from Primark. And no socks.
There are probably tons of things to report about The Baby, who is generally being cool at the minute. She is getting in all sorts of trouble with her ever-improving crawling skills, and learning new things all the time. And either I am being less Bad at the moment, or I am just so Bad and so used to it that I don't even notice it anymore. Hmm. I think it could be the latter. I promise I will do you a round-up of developments soon. Bet you're on the edge of your seats.
Saturday, 15 May 2010
I have cracked it! The secret to being able to eat whatever you want and lose your baby weight at the same time! Forget diets, Pilates, or expensive gym memberships, The No-Nap Workout Solution is where it's at.
The concept is simple - take your baby into the living room, and wait until she is rubbing her eyes, whinging, and generally carrying on like she is tired. Take her upstairs, lie her down, give her a kiss, and go back downstairs. After about 5 minutes, realise that you can hear some odd banging sounds through the monitor. Go back upstairs, to find your baby crawling about, standing up rattling the bars, or doing something else that is patently not sleeping. Lie her back down, and go back downstairs. Go back again in another 5 minutes to find her standing up again. Decide she isn't tired, so take her back downstairs, whereupon she will immediately start whingeing and rubbing her eyes again. Restart whole process and repeat until you have buns of steel, and have burnt off the calories in the Mars Bar you had in lieu of lunch.
Thursday, 13 May 2010
Had some retail therapy to get over the fact that David Cameron is actually in charge of the country. I am losing the will to be a politics bore now, I have decided just to give them all the benefit of the doubt, see what happens, and hope that the arts don't get too shafted. And root for David Miliband, who I am developing an odd little crush on. Bless him and his wonky little face.
And I finally found a food The Baby won't eat! Tried to give her asparagus today, with absoutely no success at all. I'm almost relieved to discover she doesn't like everything in the whole world! Shopping lists, however, are still a firm favourite. Oops.
Sunday, 9 May 2010
- We were at a barbecue the other day, and The Baby ate, among other things, rice cakes, some carrot, some cheese slices, some Milky Bar buttons, and a HUUUGE burger. It was massive. And she just shoved it in her face with great glee, while I tried very hard not to think about the salt content.
- We are off bottles! Woop. Lots of parents struggle with this, while we did not even have a tiny tantrum. I'm not sure she noticed to be honest. As long as the milk is coming, she doesn't care how it comes. Ditto for how it tastes. Tried her with cow's milk, straight from the fridge - again, guzzled. I love that she's being cooperative, but also a tiny bit sad that she's not my teeny baby anymore.
- This child has no table manners. Now, I realise that 10-month-old babies are not exactly renowned for their grace and ettiquette, but do all babies eat their expensive, organic fish pie by sucking it straight from the pouch? So uncouth.
- I have spent all this afternoon making biscuits, after realising that spending £2.15 on 10 biscuits, just because they have no additives and are made of spelt, is ridiculous. Unfortunately, as you may have gathered from the other week's green cake debacle, baking is not my strong point. This is mainly because I don't like to be told what to do when it comes to food (or most things, in fact), which is fine when you're making a stew, but not so much when making biscuits. So after replacing golden syrup with apple puree, leaving the ground ginger in the shop, and using not enough sugar and too much flour, I have ended up with a boxful of things that are not quite cakes, and not quite biscuits. Ciscuits, perhaps. Still, I'm sure The Baby will eat them. They are made of food.
Thursday, 6 May 2010
We are always striving for improvement, or failing that, to spend less money. So, in order to make your nappies better, we have made them worse. We have made them smell really weird, so you will be constantly sniffing your baby's bum, wondering if she has done a poo. We have taken away the stuff that, you know, keeps them dry, at the back. This is to improve the fit. OK, they may leak everywhere, but at least your baby will be happy with the answer to "Does my bum look big in this?".
The new version of these nappies will be trialled in selected packs, which will be completely indistinguishable from the old ones when buying them. There will be a small card in the box asking for your opinion on these changes, which you won't read, but that's ok, because we don't really care about your opinion anyway. And, it goes without saying, we're still going to charge you a fortune.
Wednesday, 5 May 2010
Sorry, being rambly. Tired after another mini week at work, which incorporated a few fails, including missing two buses home, breaking my camera (although this didn't actually happen at work), the whole network going down for two hours (not a fail on my part, but still a fail) and making some terrible cups of tea. And I missed The Baby lots. Not sure if that's a fail, as it's not a good feeling particularly, or a win, as it proves I'm not heartless.
Anyway, as you can see, I am being incoherent and tedious. More tomorrow as I get simultaneously over-excited about the election and depressed about the prospect of Dave Giant Iggle Piggle Face as PM.
Sunday, 2 May 2010
Now I know everyone has a bit of a tidy when people come round, but I often have the sneaking suspicion that even at their worst, their clutter levels would barely reach a 7, to my 486. I think that what actually might be happening is that some people, unlike me, are blessed with the ability to deal with things straight away, put things back where they find them, and not buy things when they don't have the faintest clue where they will go. But I would dearly love to find out that other people do have all this stuff, and it's all straining against the door of the cupboard under the stairs.