Because what the internet needs is more wittering about rubbish parenting

Sunday, 31 January 2010

Developmental Milestones

Just so you know where we're at, The Baby is currently 7 months old, and has learnt how to do the following things:

  • Hold her head up from a very early age. Mostly because I was never all that careful about keeping it supported all the time, reasoning that no baby's head ever just fell off.
  • Stand up while holding on to someone's hands, usually while wiggling her bum around in a manner not unlike a boy in a late-nineties indie band does while craning his head up towards the mic and waving a tambourine.
  • Eat. Although she is my child, she was never likely to have much trouble on that score.
  • Say very profound, interesting and wise things. I'm sure they must be, even though they mostly sound like "Gahh, looolaaa, aaaaah" to me.
  • Sleep through the night. Sometimes.
  • Turn the pages of a magazine.
  • Eat the pages of a magazine.
  • Remove the glasses from my face. And her dad's face. And her grandad's face. And her grandma's face. And her aunty's face. (Why can no-one in my family see??!)
  • Wave toys around and make noise
  • Hit things with other things and make even more noise.
  • Turn herself around so that when I leave her lying in her cot and go back 15 minutes later because it's gone suspiciously quiet, her head is where her feet were and she looks very pleased with herself.
  • Clamber on Daddy's face to wake him up. (I may have taught her that one)

She has not, however, learnt the following:

  • To roll herself over, preferring just to whinge pitifully until someone turns her over.
  • To crawl, apart from backwards, accidentally, which then enrages her because she can't figure out why the paper she was trying to eat is now further away.
  • That when you have half a slice of toast in your mouth, it is best to swallow it before attempting to cram the other half in.
  • That when she's tired, and someone has laid her down somewhere comfy, and covered her with a blanket, that the best solution is simply to GO TO SLEEP!
  • That paper is not one of the major food groups.
  • That water is for drinking, not spitting as far as you can.
  • That headbutting hurts both butt-er and butt-ee.
  • That 5.45am is not morning, however cute and smiley she is.

1 comment:

  1. This is excellent, I'm throwing out my baby books and using you're milestones from now on! x x Luv Al