"Look at my kitchen. Look how beautifully clean and sparkly it is!" (Before giving The Toddler rice for tea)
"The living room doesn't look too bad. Probably because she hasn't had the crayons out" (5 minutes before bed, 30 seconds before she found the crayons)
"I think I've remembered everything I needed from Tesco" (Before returning home and remembering we are down to the last dribble of Calpol).
"Wow, she's asleep, she never has a nap. When she wakes up she'll be in a good mood, and we can do something nice" (20 minutes before an epic and inexplicable fit of rage that lasted most of the afternoon)