Because what the internet needs is more wittering about rubbish parenting

Sunday, 1 January 2012

Year of the Olympocalypse

Or something.

Happy New Year everyone! I'm not really one for getting in a tizzy about the date changing (it does happen every 24 hours, after all), but I am a one for the New Years Resolution. I know you can make changes to your life whenever you like, but I always need some kind of Significant Event to prevent me from making excuses. I made some last year, and did well at them for a while, but then I kind of forgot I had them, so did not end up becoming the new, improved Less-Bad Mammy that I'd hoped. But my sister's introduced me to the concept of the quarterly resolution, which my ever-more-useless brain can probably cope with a bit better. So this is what I would like to achieve in the next few months.

First of all, I am going to spend less time on the internet. I did give up, honest. Mostly. And I was very good for a while, apart from I took to reading the comments on the Daily Mail website to find things to get good and annoyed about instead. And I found plenty. I don't recommend it. If ignorance is bliss, some of those people are in freaking nirvana (the state of being, not the band). Anyway, I had a bit of a ScaryParenting lapse over Christmas, but now I am going to be virtuous, and productive, and interesting and all sorts of other things that I'm not terribly good at being when I have my nose glued to the laptop.

Second of all, I am going to get some sleep. This may be a tricky one to accomplish, as it depends on the co-operation of two small people who are not quite au fait with the concept of resolutions. Or with sleep, for that matter. But that is going to change. The Toddler is going to learn to stay asleep, and not wake up demanding drinks, and songs, and medicine, and cuddles, and breakfast, or just going "Mammy. MY Mammy!" at all hours of the night, every other night. How I'm going to make this happen without just ignoring her (which makes me feel awful, and doesn't even bloody work), I have yet to work out.

The Littl'un is, likewise, going to learn to sleep for more than four hours at a time. We keep swinging back to two night feeds (technically, at least one of them is a very early morning feed, but still), and I am less than impressed. It's weird, and hard to explain. I don't mind doing one night feed, not really. If she sleeps til 3 or so before wanting a feed, I can live with that (obviously, I'd like it more if she slept til 7 or so, but let's call that phase two of the plan). But if I have to feed her before that, I really, really don't like it. It's not the lack of sleep particularly. It's just that it feels like a step backwards. It feels like we're not getting any closer to her sleeping through, and it feels like we're never going to get any closer. It makes me want to go aaaaaaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhhhh (and sometimes I do), because it always has to be me. And I don't want to stop breastfeeding, because I'm far too lazy to faff about with formula (and too poor to buy those little cartons all the time), I just want to stop doing that feed. Especially as I don't think she is actually hungry, she's just not very good at getting herself back off to sleep, and my arm can only jiggle her about for so long before it feels like it's about to fall off, which I don't enjoy. So yes, concerted effort will be made to encourage her towards nicer sleeping habits. Again, not the faintest idea how. All I want is an approach which means I don't have to feed her, but is easy, does not require huge amounts of patience, does not involve leaving her to cry and has results straight away. That's not asking too much, surely......?

I am also going to stop letting my house, and the mess it contains, win. House, you will be clean, you will be tidy, and you will stay that way. I am going to stop eating so much crap, and do more yoga. Stomach, you will be toned, if always stretchmarked. And I am going to make more of an effort to do nice things with my children. Daughters, you will be stimulated and entertained, whether you like it or not.

I think these last few will be easier if the first couple go well. And it all starts today. Well maybe not today. It's already nearly over, and it's a public holiday. Tomorrow. But tomorrow's Husband's birthday, so we're still in celebratory mode. The day after. Definitely......

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