Because what the internet needs is more wittering about rubbish parenting

Friday, 1 April 2011

Things I Can No Longer Do

I have now reached the stage of pregnancy where I can no longer:
  • Get to sleep. Or at least not quickly, and not without the aid of several pillows in various shapes and sizes. During my first pregnancy, I think I got up to 7 pillows in the bed with me. Here is a night in the life of a pregnant woman: Lie down. Wait for baby to stop squirming and kicking. Carefully arrange pillows under head, under bump, between knees, behind back etc. Kick Other Half until he moves his inconveniently placed knee. Finally achieve comfort. Settle down to sleep. Suddenly feel as if sleeping on tiny rock, as baby shifts random limb into unfeasible position. Turn onto other side. Re-arrange self, pillows and Other Half. Achieve comfort. Realise need wee. Haul self out of bed, go to toilet, return to bed. Re-start whole sodding process.
  • Bend down the cheating way that most people do. Instead, if I want to pick anything up, or see to The Toddler in any way, I have to do that proper, Manual-Handling-Training, bend-from-the-knees thing. Having actually done Manual Handling training, I do know how much better it is for your back, but still, it's a wee bit tiresome.
  • Put on pants, trousers, socks and shoes whilst standing, without wobbling alarmingly.
  • Talk to anyone without them mentioning the size of my bump. Now, I may have mentioned once or twice that this kind of annoys me a little. I realise that it's just people showing interest, and that I'm probably exactly the same when not pregnant, but it still makes me want to go round telling people how big their ass is looking today.
  • Do the washing up. Which sounds really lame, but I swear is true. Because of my height (or lack of), and position of my bump, my newly half-sticky-out and extremely sensitive belly button is at exactly the level of the kitchen worktop, so if I have to stand close to it (the worktop, not my belly button) for any length of time, it feels HORRIBLE. Thankfully we now have a dishwasher, but we didn't in our old flat, and I'm pretty sure Husband thought I was just making it up
  • Go in the bath without being frightened I will never get out again.
  • Fit into the shirt that I'm wearing today, which I should have realised before I left the house and got told by a colleague that I should be on maternity leave already, because I looked so massive.

1 comment:

  1. ah I remember this well. I used to regularly bump into the kitchen benches with bump as I had no awareness of my size. Got soooo tired of people asking me my due date & if I know if it was a boy or girl. It's brilliant being at the otherside and being able to roll around on the floor again or pick weeds out of the garden. Oh and to sleep briefly but comfortably! Hang in there my darling, remember how much they're worth it ;0) xxxx